Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i will never coherently bang her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
