She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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