did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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