It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
