i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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