btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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