Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
