yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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