Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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