Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
