we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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