I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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