I'm lost and stupid without you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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