so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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