went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
