Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
