I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
