Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
