i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
