I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
