Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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