Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
