Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
