I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He? As in you personified your dick?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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