Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
