My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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