I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
