dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
