At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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