I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
