She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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