I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
