The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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