Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
