My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
