it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
