I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
