I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
