yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
