there's paper in my vomit.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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