U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
