apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
