omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
