first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
