You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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