sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
