OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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