if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
