I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
