Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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