I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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