No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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