How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
